He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie