Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy