On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.