It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"