No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.