We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.