hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.