he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.