I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls