Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.