the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.