if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.