I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them