Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...