After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.