He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.