He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted