My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.