I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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Found your dick twin last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
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To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.