You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?