Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes