I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.