He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
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Just invented taco cereal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was