He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.