just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?