I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.