We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.