He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"