dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Walk of Shame today included voting.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out