Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.