Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid