A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.