Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?