i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.