Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener