I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.