Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition