He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.