Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.