These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.