Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"