I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.