We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.