woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Send us your Text From Last Night!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in