all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.