I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl