But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,