Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.