You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's science, my friend. Boner science.