Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's always time for handjobs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?