you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.