I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..