I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting