still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.