He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.