It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself