running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move