I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You took a bar mat shot.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.