Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just invented taco cereal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting