He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout