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I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think my vagina is haunted
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
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