I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".