I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40