Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.