You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.