Texts From Last Night

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(970): View more from Colorado

He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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(970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8

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(817): View more from Texas

If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

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(817): If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/qqbj

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup

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(918): it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup http://tfl.nu/9c9q

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(503): View more from Oregon

bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

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(503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it. http://tfl.nu/wqus

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(706): View more from Georgia

Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn

(706): View more from Georgia

And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her

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(706): Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn (706): And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her http://tfl.nu/b039

Replies (49) Good night (3192) Bad night (658)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...

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(908): ..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family.. (1-908): yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now... http://tfl.nu/humh

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(417): View more from Missouri

You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"

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(417): You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!" http://tfl.nu/8q6j

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(319): View more from Iowa

yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.

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(319): yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face. http://tfl.nu/jfup

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(614): View more from Ohio

This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.

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(614): This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz (1-614): Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual. http://tfl.nu/85jo

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(865): View more from Tennessee

sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.

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(865): sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself. http://tfl.nu/7igx

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(703): View more from Virginia

Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview

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(703): Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview http://tfl.nu/b2rk

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(214): View more from Texas

would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable

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(214): would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable http://tfl.nu/e9ba

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(216): View more from Ohio

My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

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(216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand. http://tfl.nu/h0pi

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(315): View more from New York

i think i just puked on my phone

(1-315): View more from New York

we live great lives

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(315): i think i just puked on my phone (1-315): we live great lives http://tfl.nu/f3zx

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(815): View more from Illinois

Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

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(815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are. http://tfl.nu/ve28

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