He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?