Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.