I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?