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    (318): View more from Louisiana

    dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

    (1-318): View more from Louisiana

    what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

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    Replies (80) Good night (4137) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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    (586): View more from Michigan

    You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.

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    Replies (10) Good night (3076) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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    (815): View more from Illinois

    I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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    Replies (7) Good night (503) Bad night (3225) Order T-Shirt
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    (303): View more from Colorado

    I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.

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    Replies (16) Good night (677) Bad night (2266) Order T-Shirt
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    (609): View more from New Jersey

    No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.

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    Replies (10) Good night (2669) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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    (334): View more from Alabama

    you're like a bully in the Christmas story

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    Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (1644) Order T-Shirt
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    (610): View more from Pennsylvania

    Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

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    Replies (55) Good night (7130) Bad night (1105)
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    dude, osama threatened the US again

    (1-847): View more from Illinois

    dude. i slept with your sister last night

    (847): View more from Illinois

    what?

    (1-847): View more from Illinois

    I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

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    Replies (26) Good night (5098) Bad night (635)
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    (203): View more from Connecticut

    I think my fart just growled at me.

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    Replies (7) Good night (940) Bad night (2060) Order T-Shirt
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    (702): View more from Nevada

    i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"

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    Replies (8) Good night (522) Bad night (3152) Order T-Shirt
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    (850): View more from Florida

    Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.

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    Replies (16) Good night (1333) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

    (1-847): View more from Illinois

    How unfortunate for your Mom.

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    Replies (33) Good night (579) Bad night (3541) Order T-Shirt
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    (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

    You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you

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    Replies (71) Good night (3701) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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    (314): View more from Missouri

    First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

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    Replies (13) Good night (787) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
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    (425): View more from Washington

    God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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    Replies (21) Good night (416) Bad night (2047) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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