I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me