Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out