I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.