If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"