Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...