Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king