dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.