I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.