July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.