You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.