WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.