She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.