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    (954): View more from Florida

    I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.

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    Replies (14) Good night (2307) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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    (413): View more from Massachusetts

    I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.

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    Replies (12) Good night (737) Bad night (1998) Order T-Shirt
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    (864): View more from South Carolina

    you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk

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    Replies (10) Good night (4576) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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    (630): View more from Illinois

    Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.

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    Replies (59) Good night (1188) Bad night (2715) Order T-Shirt
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    (864): View more from South Carolina

    we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me

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    Replies (27) Good night (3828) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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    (216): View more from Ohio

    We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.

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    Replies (15) Good night (2498) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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    (256): View more from Alabama

    Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?

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    Replies (7) Good night (715) Bad night (2821) Order T-Shirt
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    (210): View more from Texas

    I just want to hang out with her.

    (916): View more from California

    You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

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    Replies (24) Good night (1693) Bad night (3634)
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    (207): View more from Maine

    there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.

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    Replies (11) Good night (2046) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
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    (559): View more from California

    yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate

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    Replies (8) Good night (1926) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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    (516): View more from New York

    I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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    Replies (24) Good night (5475) Bad night (527)
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    (203): View more from Connecticut

    She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.

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    Replies (15) Good night (3378) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
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    (434): View more from Virginia

    well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard

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    Replies (10) Good night (2967) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
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    (970): View more from Colorado

    He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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    Replies (86) Good night (892) Bad night (3614) Order T-Shirt
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    (817): View more from Texas

    If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

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    Replies (13) Good night (3016) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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