If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.