my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.