I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend