Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries